Parent Counseling & Support
What do you mean real parenting is nothing like social media?
This parenting gig looks nothing like all the pretty pictures out there.
You love your child and really just want to get it right, but it’s so, so, so (you get the point) hard. I mean, could there be any more conflicting advice out there? It’s enough to make your head spin!
And even in those rare instances where you think you’ve gotten something figured out, it changes and you’re back to thinking, “I am totally going to screw this kid up.”
Sometimes you make mistakes and feel so bad afterwards, but you have no clue how to make it better. How in the world are you supposed to sort through all of this noise and figure out how to be the parent you want to be for your unique child?
And even if you can get that far, how do you actually do it? The stakes feel so high, and it looks like everyone has this figured out except you
You’re feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and exhausted. All you want is to understand your child, enjoy your time with them, and stop worrying about royally screwing them up (in other words, having to pay that therapy bill forever).
I want to learn more!
New and Expecting Parents
As a new or expecting parent, you are deeply committed to the tiny human you’ve brought into the world.
You want to set them up for success from the start. You want to parent in a way that will help them develop into a less anxious, less insecure, and more confident, self-assured adult.
And to you, that means getting things right. (It also means parenting in a way that is very different from how you were parented!)
In the spirit of getting this whole parenting thing right, you probably feel like every single parenting decision you make has to be thoroughly researched and optimized. Every corner of the internet reinforces this perfectionism: blogs, podcasts, social media, you name it.
You’re in an unprecedented position of having so much information at your fingertips and also feeling a little analysis-paralysis because there are so many options.
You worry about getting it “wrong” and what that will mean for your little one.
You’ve started to notice that this anxiety — coupled with the search for affirmation that you’re on the right track — has really started to undermine your ability to tap into your own natural parenting instincts and feel confident in your parenting decisions.
And here’s the thing: the more you seek reassurance and perfect answers in information and expert advice (articles, podcasts, blogs, etc.), the less you trust your judgment.
You start to believe that maybe you shouldn’t trust yourself to make the best decisions for your baby and your family; maybe that’s just irresponsible.
This back and forth causes even more anxiety and frustration. And don’t even get me started on the times when there isn’t an easy textbook answer to a problem you’re having.
Friend, I know you want to get it “right” out of your love and commitment to your child – but good parenting doesn’t have to be this pressured and you sure as hell don’t have to feel this frazzled.
The crux of our work together is for you to learn how to regulate yourself enough so that you CAN parent your child differently than you were parented.
And, in order to successfully do that, you’ll first need to do a few things:
Learn new skills – the way we were parented deeply influences how we parent, but you CAN learn new parenting skills and strategies
Respond thoughtfully and intentionally to new experiences, baby’s cues and needs, what your family needs, etc.
Practice flexing your decision-making muscle so that you start trusting yourself as the authority in your baby’s care (while the experts have helpful suggestions, you’re the one who knows your baby, your family, and your body the best!)
….but it’s really hard to do that if your default is Anxious Parent Mode (like when you spend hours down the rabbit hole chasing the “perfect” answer to a parenting question).
That default mode isn’t very conducive to learning new things, taking in new information, or being flexible and creative!
During our work together, we’ll address perfectionism when it comes to parenting – parenting is not meant to be perfect. In fact, course corrections are helpful in both your parenting journey and modeling self-soothing to your baby.
Here’s what I mean:
You try a certain swaddling technique, but your baby fusses. Instead of forcing it, you learn to observe your specific baby's preferences and needs and adjust accordingly. This builds your confidence in your ability to understand your unique child, and pivot when needed.
You stay calm and steady while trying different soothing techniques, rather than becoming increasingly anxious about doing it "right.” This helps your baby co-regulate: your steady heartbeat, warm touch, and regulated breathing help calm your baby's physiological state.
You might realize the "perfect" feeding schedule you read about in that blog article doesn't match your baby's natural rhythms. Learning to pivot without shame helps you stay responsive rather than rigid. It helps your baby learn that they will get their needs met by you.
As you can see, these skills make for a happier parent and a happier baby! Your resilience and flexibility help create a more stable, secure environment for your baby and your family.
And, as your baby grows up, they develop into a more regulated, less stressed, and less anxious adult – which is exactly what you want for them.
Sound good? I can help you lay that groundwork.
Parents of School Aged Kiddos
So, maybe your child isn’t the one getting sent to the principal’s office every day, but they are struggling — and so are you.
You just don’t know how to manage. They throw a fit when you say no or when it’s time for bed or to take a bath or get ready for school.
Soon, you realize you’re sort of also throwing a fit. How did you end up yelling?
You know that’s not the way you want to be a parent. Like, no parenting book ever said “#1 strategy: always yell at your kid” — and you know it.
You feel bad, then you feel frustrated, with yourself and probably even your kiddo. How to even recover from that? Seems like everyone else has this handled.
Is it even that bad if your kid is not darkening the principal's door every week? You waffle back and forth, not even know where the problem lies. What you know for sure is that you’re exhausted and you just want to enjoy your kid again.
Even if you’ve tried therapy for just your kid and reading every parenting book out there, it can be really helpful to have your own time with a counselor to better understand who you want to be as a parent and what gets in your way. This just isn’t something the counselor for your kiddo can get into with you.
I can help you understand what happens for you in those moments when your head explodes–you can notice it coming, help yourself through it, and stop it before it happens. You know that little tingle behind your eyes? Or that bit of tension in your temples? Maybe, for you, it’s in your shoulders.
You’ll know when you need a break, a kind word to yourself, or if there’s something that just really gets you going from 0 to 100.
Sometimes those head explosions are because you have lots of other stressors, but sometimes they are things you struggle with from your past experience, like what it was like for you to be a child. Maybe you always felt overlooked or like there was no room for your feelings. So now, it’s really hard to manage your kiddo’s big feelings. You’re just not used to those!
No matter what’s happening in those moments, we’ll figure it out together and create a recipe for less yelling. Won’t that feel nice?
And no matter how well you do that, everyone has their moments, so we may as well figure out how you can deal with the times that it has exploded and you need to figure out how to let go of your guilt and reconnect! You will be able to apologize and see the difference in your kid’s eyes.
“But also, Emily, my kid just sometimes really pisses me off. They’re acting up, and I really need that to change.” I can also teach you actual skills that play therapists use and how to use them with your kid to help them regulate their emotions, solve their own problems, make decisions, and stop driving you nuts (*wink* most of the time, anyway).
“Fewer of those fits, you say, Emily?” Yep.
Finally, we’ll figure out how you can take care of yourself overall. That equals out to less yelling for sure! (Not none, cause none of us are perfect!)
Imagine this though… Instead of being wracked with guilt or frustrated beyond measure that your kid had a meltdown, and you just didn’t have the bandwidth today, you’re having a quiet moment after they’re in bed to just focus on you. It may not be hours (cause what parent has that????), but it can be rejuvenating.
You can have fun with your child again (feel free to insert an image of you all frolicking on the beach or in a field of flowers here). I’ll help.
You can have fun with your child again (feel free to insert an image of you all frolicking on the beach or in a field of flowers here).
I’ll help.
Parents of Teens and Pre-Teens
Ok, for real, who is this alien living in your home (and how do they eat so damned much food???????)?
Jokes aside, being the parent of a pre-teen or teen can feel like the body snatchers came in and stole your actual kid, leaving behind someone you do not even recognize.
It’s perplexing, frustrating, and sometimes downright demoralizing.
Some days you think, “Does this person even love me?” You spend more time screaming in frustration (either literally or into the void) than you’d ever care to admit.
You truly have no clue what to do. You’ve tried talking to them, but some days that seems to only make it worse.
Taking away privileges? Laughable results.
Therapy for them is helpful in some ways, but you realize you still need some support outside what their therapist can provide.
You can feel them pulling away. They don’t hang out with you much anymore (at least not willingly); they sometimes merely grunt in response to your questions; and you’re pretty sure they’d move out and only hang with their friends if they had a source of income.
And you know that’s normal, but it’s so hard. How do you even do it?
You’ve tried talking to your teen, reassuring your teen, asking questions, taking away devices or privileges, and making rules, but your kid is still struggling and you still don’t know what to do.
No one is promising this stage of parenting is easy, but imagine a world in which you knew how to connect with your kid again. You could feel like you know them, but in a new and different way.
It’s no longer a loss of your baby, but a fun shift (sort of like a level up!). You’d know when to give advice and when (or even how) to just listen. You could talk to them about the hard stuff that you worry about, but without them blowing you off in a huff.
And you’d actually enjoy moments with them to the fullest (there will probably be fewer of them in quantity overall, but we can amp up the quality).
Imagine…
– negotiating boundaries and privileges in a way that gives your kid the freedom they want while still keeping them safe; they’ll learn how to handle freedom before they move out and you get to check that worry off the list (bonus: fewer fights!); so instead of a huge fight about curfew, you have a reasonable conversation
– picking a hill to die on (rather than dying on every hill) so that your teen is more likely to listen when you really need them to; so maybe that curfew negotiation above tips in their favor, but the unsupervised party at their friend’s house? Well that goes your way.
You can…
– have conversations with your teen that help you feel connected to them without reverting back to strategies that worked when they were 10; Forget “how was your day at school today?” (insert annoyed eye roll or disinterested “fine” here), try a little texting game
– support your teen through the stress and anxiety of growing up, like grades, relationships, balancing all their activities, you remember all that fun stuff right? UGH!
“How in the world will we do that, Emily??” you ask.
Well, we’ll work together–you’re the expert on your kid. And if your kiddo has a counselor, too, we’ll also work with them. You’d be amazed at the progress that can be made when you know exactly how to respond to something your teen is trying out from their therapy!
I will help you determine which hills you’re gonna die on, cause you gotta know those in advance.
I’ll also help you find some resources, but we’ll work together to figure out how those work for your family.
I will be a sounding board for things you’re trying to figure out and give you honest feedback that’s informed by experience and training, not just opinion like all that stuff you read or what you heard at the last school meeting.
Photo Credits: lauren lulu Taylor (parent tossing child in air), Daniel K. Cheung (Lego Star Wars), & Daiga Ellaby (boots) Christian Erfurt (teen in blue hoodie), Joice Kelly (teen sitting on the floor), & jeshoots.com (teen at computer) on Unsplash
I enjoy working with parents of all backgrounds, parenting styles, and philosophies. It is worth stating that this includes families of all structures and people who come into the role of parent in diverse ways. I welcome the journey of helping you find your parenting groove. However, the way I support parents is not likely to feel helpful if you prefer a punishment-based system or a more authoritarian approach and are not looking to change.
Our sessions will be:
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Collaborative
We will work together. You’re the expert on you. I’m the facilitator of change.
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Encouraging
Whether you know it or not, you have strengths. We will build on those.
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Real
I’ll be honest with you. I’ll show up and engage in the process as the real me.
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Even fun
This may surprise you, but counseling can (and should) be fun. Yes, it’s work. Yes, it can be hard. But humor and fun are healing.
Meet the Team
Hi, I’m Emily
As a Level II AEDP therapist with a PhD in Counseling from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, I specialize in supporting parents/caregivers, children/adolescents, and adults, particularly in areas of attachment and relationships.
My expertise encompasses online parent coaching, adult therapy, and teen therapy, with a focus on improving parent-child relationships and addressing social justice issues in counseling.
With extensive experience in various counseling settings, I bring a wealth of knowledge to support clients in building healthy relationships and navigating diverse family structures.