Therapy for Perfectionists
You full-ass everything you do.
Including things like…
Work tasks and projects
College courses, projects, exams
Parenting
Hobbies, sports, art, creativity
People’s perception of you
Nutrition, fitness, health
And your over-achievement quiets your critical inner voice — for now. Until you slip up and make a mistake, or someone criticizes you.
Then beating yourself up is back in full-force and you tell yourself the entire thing is ruined.
Teachers, parents, or work supervisors have noticed that you procrastinate until the conditions are “right” (spoiler alert: “right” never comes).
They’ve commented that, despite your abilities, you give up on tasks or opportunities much earlier than expected. Inside, you know that’s because you get anxious about failing before you even start something.
You have thoughts about where you “should” be in your life related to your career, grades and education, hobbies, and relationships, and you’re hard on yourself.
Although you’re able to accept and forgive other people’s mistakes or shortcomings, you haven’t been able to accept or forgive your own.
When things don’t go exactly as planned — if you get your first B, or someone criticizes your work performance — you overthink and get caught up in anxiety.
Before you know it, you’ve spent weeks replaying what you could have done better.
And… you’re tired.
How I Can Help…
Imagine if…
Instead of spiraling into a panic attack when you think about a work mistake, or cringing for days after an awkward interaction, you began to see mistakes as opportunities for you to learn and grow and become better at what you do…
You started seeking support from your friends and loved ones — not because you’re weak or inadequate, but because you know that support helps you be a better version of yourself…
That thing you think about or dream of doing … the one that you don’t ever say out loud because you can’t even fathom it (like going after the promotion or trying out for the school play)… you go after it because you aren’t procrastinating or in a constant state of analysis-paralysis…
Relationships with loved ones improved — not because you got “better” somehow, but because you finally let your freaking guard down and became more, well, yourself! And, hey — you found out people genuinely like you…
Your body stopped chronically flinching in the face of self-criticism — you could finally sleep better, your shoulders and jawline were no longer melted together, and you could wave bye-bye to regular headaches…
The happiness and joy you felt in your life was more sustainable because now it’s rooted in accepting yourself, rather than being based on chasing the temporary performative or achievement-based highs that leave you crashing later…
THIS is what self-compassion is all about.
Here’s what it’s NOT about: letting yourself off the hook, giving up, or making excuses. It’s also not about hedonism, or throwing pity-parties and inviting yourself. You can leave those at the door!
Our work together will show you how to become your own best ally, instead of your own worst enemy.
…And this is what we’re going to do together.
Contact me today to get started in perfectionism therapy.
FAQs About Therapy for Perfectionists
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Self-compassion is a highly effective therapy for perfectionism. This approach, developed by Dr. Kristin Neff, involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in the face of failure or inadequacy. A 2018 study by Ferrari et al. published in PLOS ONE found that self-compassion significantly reduced perfectionism and its associated distress. Furthermore, a meta-analysis by Linnett and Kibowski (2020) in Personality and Individual Differences revealed that self-compassion interventions consistently led to reductions in maladaptive perfectionism. Practicing self-compassion involves mindfulness, recognizing common humanity, and self-kindness, which helps perfectionists develop a more balanced and accepting view of themselves and their achievements.
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Self-compassion and embracing imperfection are powerful antidotes to perfectionism. This involves treating oneself with kindness, recognizing shared human experiences, and accepting flaws as part of being human.
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To break the cycle of perfectionism, set realistic goals, practice self-acceptance, and challenge negative self-talk. Celebrate small victories and focus on progress rather than flawless outcomes.
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Perfectionism can be a manifestation of anxiety but is not always directly linked. It often involves anxiety about meeting high standards, but can exist independently of generalized anxiety disorder.
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Root causes of perfectionism include high parental expectations, fear of failure, and low self-esteem. Early experiences of criticism or pressure to excel can contribute to its development.
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Perfectionism is not a form of ADHD, but they can coexist and exacerbate each other. ADHD may lead to compensatory perfectionism as a coping mechanism for attention difficulties.
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Perfectionism becomes toxic when it causes significant distress or impairs daily functioning. This includes procrastination, burnout, relationship problems, and decreased productivity due to unrealistic standards.
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To stop crippling perfectionism, practice mindfulness, set boundaries, and focus on progress rather than perfection. Learn to differentiate between high standards and unrealistic expectations.
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Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can contribute to perfectionist tendencies. Other disorders like anxiety, depression, and eating disorders may also involve perfectionism as a symptom.
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Perfectionism can be managed and improved through therapy and self-work. While complete elimination may not be realistic, its negative impacts can be significantly reduced.
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Perfectionism shares similarities with OCD, such as intrusive thoughts and rigid behaviors, but is not the same condition. OCD involves specific obsessions and compulsions, while perfectionism is more generalized.
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To prevent perfectionism from ruining your life, prioritize self-care, challenge unrealistic standards, and seek professional help if needed. Learn to value effort and growth over flawless outcomes.
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To address perfectionism, develop self-compassion, practice mindfulness, and work with a therapist specializing in perfectionism. Gradual exposure to imperfection can help build tolerance.
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No specific medication treats perfectionism, but associated anxiety or depression may be managed with anti-anxiety drugs or antidepressants under professional guidance.
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Self-acceptance, realistic goal-setting, and challenging perfectionistic thoughts serve as antidotes to perfectionism. Cultivating a growth mindset and embracing mistakes as learning opportunities can also help.
Our sessions will be:
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Collaborative
We will work together. You’re the expert on you. I’m the facilitator of change.
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Encouraging
Whether you know it or not, you have strengths. We will build on those.
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Real
I’ll be honest with you. I’ll show up and engage in the process as the real me.
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Even fun
This may surprise you, but counseling can (and should) be fun. Yes, it’s work. Yes, it can be hard. But humor and fun are healing.
Meet the Team
Hi, I’m Emily
As a Level II AEDP therapist with a PhD in Counseling from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, I specialize in supporting parents/caregivers, children/adolescents, and adults, particularly in areas of attachment and relationships.
My expertise encompasses online parent coaching, adult therapy, and teen therapy, with a focus on improving parent-child relationships and addressing social justice issues in counseling.
With extensive experience in various counseling settings, I bring a wealth of knowledge to support clients in building healthy relationships and navigating diverse family structures.
Contact me.
emily@alignedcounseling.com
(423) 281-4089
Therapy for Perfectionists: Locations
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South Carolina